InsaneJournal

my review of ~twilight~ the movie.
SO I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO WATCHING TWILIGHT.

LONG POST IS LONG. AND FULL OF THE WORD "LOL".


Aw, baby cactus! :D

Forks has just over 3,000 people and she acts like that's so few people. THAT'S LIKE A FIVE HORSE TOWN, I'D SAY. Gordon, Nebraska (where my grandma lives!) has just over 1,000. WHAT ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT BELLA? 3,000 IS MORE THAN MOST TOWNS IN WEST NEBRASKA!

Billy and Jacob popping up so early in the movie MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE OKAY. And lol @ Billy & Charlie. JACOBJACOBJACOB and AWESOMETRUCKAWESOMETRUCKAWESOMETRUCK.

... oh why did they have to have Bella narrate. WHY. I MEAN. REALLY NOW. "my first day at a new school... it's march... middle of the semester..." HOW DRAMATIC.

lol @ Eric. just. LOL.

OH BELLA. NO MORE VOLLEYBALL FOR YOU. and no, Jessica, not everyone from Arizona is really tan. IN FACT, most everyone isn't, shockingly. AT LEAST NO ONE I KNOW.

JASPER AND ALICE JASPER AND ALICE JASPER AND ALICE lol @ alice dragging jasper around. POOR PUPPY LOOKS SO :| D:

... WHAT IS WITH THIS MUSIC. LOL WTF. IT'S LIKE IT BELONGS ON SOME SORT OF WEIRD GAMESHOW. "AND NOW... THE CULLENS! NAME NAME NAME... AND NAME NAME AND NAME........ AND NAME".

HMM. NOW I WONDER WHY IT JUST SO HAPPENS THERE IS A FAN IN THE BIOLOGY CLASSROOM. BLOWING THROUGH BELLA'S HAIR. lol omg Edward's face. "DAMN BITCH YOU STINK. MAN WTF IS THAT? DID YOU FART?!" LOL HAHAHAMnskjfn c AND THEN ~STARE DOWN OF DOOM~ "BITCH WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FACE."

OH DAMN EDWARD. WAY TO BE KING OF ASSERY. "I'll JUST HAVE TO ENDURE." *FLIES OUT DOOR*.

HMM. Bella = hamburger and fries. Charlie = salad. MOST CURIOUS. OH. I SEE. It's a ~GARDEN BURGER~. lol AWKWARD KETCHUP GRAB.

OH GOD THIS MUSIC. WHAT IS THIS. IT MAKES ME LOL BY ITSELF.

wtf RANDOM CONSTRUCTION WORKER GOT HIS ASS WHOOPED.

AHAHAHA BELLA SLIP. HAHAHAHAHAHjandksncknsdlkfklemg me and my dad agree that that was very lolworthy.

HOME OF THE SPARTANS, EH?

Mike reminds me of EVERY BOY that I remember at my school. VERY REALISTIC, THIS ASS IS.

Lol. Edward. LOL GOLDEN ONION FTW. lol edward and bella reinvent awkward lab partnerism. SQUEAKY MICROSCOPE, MUCH? "MIND IF I LOOK?" *SQUEEEEEELK* ... LOL. YES, BELLA HE IS ASKING YOU ABOUT THE WEATHER. THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO. YOU ARE JUST RETARDED. hmm. COLD WET THING. YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE ANY COLD WET THING. LOL WET COLD THING LIKE EDWARD'S MOUTH? SEE, EDWARD AGREES WITH MY THOUGHTS.

lol wtf bella what is with your face.

I SEE THEY WON THE GOLDEN ONION. lolgoldenonion.

... Edward. Bella. Your actions and expressions worry me. And make me lol. so hard. LOL EDWARD. "YEAH, I KNOW IT'S THE UH, FLORESCENTS." *WALKS AWAY MYSTERIOUSLY*

jskjfdvnv AHAHAHA DRAMATIC SCENE. AND THEN THEY ~LOOK AT EACH OTHER ~~DRAMATICALLY~~~. I'd lol less if RobPat didn't look so much like a cracked out hobo. LOL *HOPS OVER TRUCK.*

AHAHA THE CULLEN'S EXPRESSIONS. "OH FUCK WHAT, MAN. THIS CONCERNS US."

lol Charlie. "YOU AND I ARE GONNA TALK." lol. How I adore thee.

... oh. Carlisle. You are not walking the catwalk, sry2say. SUNLIGHT, TANNING SPRAY, MUD, YOU NEEDS IT.

LOL CULLEN MINI-CONFERENCE. THEY SEEEEEE YOUUUUU, BELLA. CREEPING UP ON THEM.

"I WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, BELLA." lol yeah right. "BELLA YOU'RE CRAZY. JUST BELIEVE WHAT I SAY AND ROLL WIT IT." ahahahaha "NO YOU WEREN'T." "BELLA YOU HIT YOUR HEAD." "YOU BE BULLSHITTING ME, BOY?!" "WELL NO ONE'S GOING TO BELIEVE YOU, SO, YOU BE A LYING BITCH. YEAH." *iz sour* "CAN'T YOU JUST THANK ME AND GET OVER IT?" lol, wow, eddie-boy. WOW. "... YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET THIS GO, ARE YOU?" ahahaha.

... lol wtf EDWARD ARE YOU ARE A STALKER. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT IS SO CREEPY. OH AHAHAHAA AND THEN HE *POOFS* AWAY. NICE SAVE, CREEPER.

LOL BELLA YOU FAIL. "SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?" "... ABOUT WHAT?" OH GOD YOU FAIL. "I HAVE SOMETHING THAT WEEKEND ANYWAY." LIAR.

LOL "COMPOST IS COOL." LOL ERIC "YES SIR YES SIR" SUCK UP. OH GOD COMPOST TEA NO. AHAHAHA "DON'T DRINK IT, IT'S FOR THE PLANTS." LOL THANK GOODNESS. LOL YEAH BELLA, NICE. "WELL YOU DON'T ANSWER ANY OF MINE, SO." good girl! LOL EDWARD. YEAH, SAYING HI IS A GOOD IDEA. EVEN IF YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION.

DAMN EDWARD. "COULD YOU AT LEAST WATCH WHERE YOU WALK?!" SWEET KITTENS, MAN.

AHAHAHA "BELLA LOOK IT'S A WORM. IT'S A WORM!" Worms are quite common, Eric. You are immature and FAIL. Yet win LOLS.

... EDWARD. REALLY. "BELLA WE SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS."

... AWW ALICE YOU WIN. oh, Edward you FAIL. BUT OMG ALICE YOU ARE SO CUTE. THIS MOVIE NEEDS MORE OF YOU.

lol APPLE OF CATCHABLE DOOM. lol Bella get's whiplash from Edward's menopause mood swings. LOL EDWARD. "NO, PROBABLY NOT." LOL RADIOACTIVE SPIDERS AND KRYPTONITE. "WHAT IF I'M THE BAD GUY?" HMM, CONSIDERING YOUR STALKER TENDENCIES I SEE THIS AS LIKELY. LOL AWKWARD SALAD BAR OF DOOM.

LA PUSH YAY. LOL JACOB YAY JACOBJACOBJACOB! lolololol OMINOUS INDIANS. "THE CULLENS DON'T COME HERE." lol, yes Jacob she caught that. It was quite obvious and entailed an awkward moment. LOL JUST A STORY.

LOL DRUNK GUY ON A BOAT 'BOUT TO GET HIS BOOTY KILLEDED. lol Caribbean guy with ruffles.

LOL BELLA USES GOOGLE. ... what was that all about.

lol silly girls shopping for dresses. LOL WAY TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC BELLA. JUST GO AHEAD AN ALIENATE YOUR FRIENDS. LOL SHADY INDIAN BOOKSTORE. oh, bella, don't you know being out when the streetlamps go on equals GANG RAPE?

LOL AND HERE COMES VOLVO MAN TO SAVE THE DAY! YES YOU SKEEVY BASTARDS, BE AFRAID OF EDWARD HE MAY BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN. LOL WOW EDWARD YOU NEED YOUR DRIVING SKILLS REASSESSED. LOL "YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON." LOL EDWARD MAKES TEENAGE GIRLS' ANGER VANISH.

LOL EDWARD WOULD LOVE TO EAT. EAT YOU. lol "I FEEL VERY PROTECTIVE OF YOU." lol OH YES OF COURSE HE CAN READ MINDS. EXCEPT YOURS. HOW ROMANTIC. LOL. "MONEY. SEX. MONEY. SEX. CAT." LOL WIN.

aw father/daughter moment. ... WAS THAT A RAPE WHISTLE. OH GOD LOL.

LOL WTF. *PASSES BY DRAMATICALLY NOW HAVING LEARNED THE TRUTH*

LOLSLnfkdnkfgn HAHAHA DRAMATIC REVELATION SCENE. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN 17?" "AWHILE." *HEAVY NERVOUS PANTS* LOLOLOL "SAY IT. OUT LOUD. SAY IT." DRAMATIC CAMERA PANNING. "~VAMPIRE~."

... "ARE YOU AFRAID?" "... NO." LIAR. LOLOLOL AND NOW THEY FLY AWAY UP THE MOUNTAIN. FLY, SPARKLE MAN, FLY! Lol, dude, you're missing school! DITCHERS. LOLSlmkfnmdksgnkdsmgl;dmsfg
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TWINKLING SPARKLE MAN! *dies* THERE'S EVEN A SOUND EFFECT!

OH GOD, WHY SO DRAMATIC EDWARD. YOU SPARKLE LIKE A DRAG QUEEN, BE PROUD.

"YOUR SCENT IS LIKE A DRUG TO ME." AND JUST THE WAY HE SAYS IT MAKES IT SO LOLWORTHY.

*CLIMBS INTO TREE* LOL, JUST LOL. "I KNOW YOU CAN. JUST LIKE THE LITTLE ENGINE WHO COULD."

THANK GOD WE'RE DONE WITH THAT DRAMATIC CRAP.

... OR NOT. good lord this is so terrible and I can barely lol.

AND THEY LAY DOWN IN THE MEADOW, BEGINNING THEIR OBSESSIVE RELATIONSHIP. TWINKLE TWINKLE MAN!

lol Cullen car full of DISAPPROVAL.

LOLOL EDWARD GETTING BIT SCENE. LOLOL WTF. CREEPY TO THE EXTREME.

LOL EDWARD JUMPS ON CARS AND THEN FIXES THE DENTS. LOL AWKWARD VAMPIRE VS. INDIAN GRRRR WTF LOOK. LOL AW POOR JACOB.

LOL. "IS SHE EVEN ITALIAN?" *SHRUG* "HER NAME IS BELLA." ROSALIE AND EMMETT FTW. ... OR NOT. DAMN ROSALIE. DAMN. LETS BREAK DISHES AND ACT BITCHY SHALL WE? DAMN ROSALIE. "JUST IGNORE ROSALIE. I DO." LOL HAHA.

LOL OMG ALICE. *WALKS ON TREES AND THEN BOUNCES DOWN." "HI BELLA!" LOL WIN, ALICE. WINWINWIN. LOL OMG ALICE WINS SO MUCH. "OH YOU DO SMELL GOOD!" LOL JASPER HAS ISSUES AW PUPPY. "IT'S OKAY JASPER, YOU WON'T HURT HER." LOL ALICE I LOVE YOU. LOL ESME WINS AT MOTHERLINESS.

LOL "YEAH THIS IS MY ROOM. EXCUSE THE MESS, I AM LAZY." LOL AWKWARD DANCING.

LOL "TAZAN WATCH OUT FOR THAT... OOH! TREE!" LOL *FLIES OUT WINDOW.*

EDWARD PLAYING PIANO WINS THE UNIVERSE.

LOL "HE LOOKS AT YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT." LOL NO SHIT MAN.

... WAS THAT STEPHANIE MEYER IN A VERY OBVIOUS CAMEO SITTING AT THE DINER THERE? ... it was, wasn't it? LOL. I love it when authors do that. It's so random. Like Stephen King popping up as the pizza man in the middle of Rose Red. LOLWORTHY.

LOL EDWARD JUST SUDDENLY POPS UP. LOLOLPDKklmskfnm BELLA'S MOM. LOL "I LIKE WATCHING YOU SLEEP." LOL AWKWARD KISSY SCENE. WOO, GETTING FRISKY ARE WE? lol, Charlie should walk in RIGHT NOW. LOL DRAMATIC BAM. AW ROMANTIC TALKING SCENE. LOL EDWARD IS A BIG COLD PILLOW. :D

LOL AT CHARLIE. WHO JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE CLEANING HIS GUN WHEN HIS DAUGHTER SAYS HER NEW SPARKLEY BOYFRIEND IS RIGHT OUTSIDE. LOL EDWARD IS SO FORMAL. AND LOL CHARLIE, "HEY, STILL GOT THAT PEPPER SPRAY?"

LOL CULLENS PLAY BASEBALL. EPIC LOL. LOL DAMN ROSALIE IS LIKE GRR.

Aww poor Charlie. OH DAMN BELLA. DAMN.

LOL "COULD YOU KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF?" OH LOOK MORE SIGNS OF AN OBSESSIVE RELATIONSHIP. OH EDWARD HOW DRAMATIC.

AW JASPER/ALICE. WIN MOMENT.

OH JAMES YOU SLY JACKASS.

DAMN LET'S JUST BREAK EVERYTHING SHALL WE? GOOD LORD BOYS, CAN'T WE BE CIVIL ABOUT THIS?!

OH WHAT A ROMANTICALLY, BLOODY, FIREY, WITHERING IN PAIN MOMENT. DRAMADRAMADRAMADRAMADRAMADRAMA!

"YEAH THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME." YEAH THAT SUCKS FOR YOU.

LOL BELLA, WAY TO BE OBSESSIVE THERE.

LOL EDWARD AND CHARLIE SITTING AT A TABLE. AWKWARDLY. HOW WIN. LOL CHARLIE ROLLS HIS EYES AT EDWARD'S OVER ROMANTICISMS. "UH-HUH I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE." ATTA BOY CHARLIE, DISAPPROVE. LOL "I'VE PUT A NEW CAN OF PEPPER SPRAY IN YOUR BAG."

LOL JACOB *WALKS OUT OF THE FOREST SUDDENLY.*

LOL THE TWO OTHER COUPLES IN THE GAZEBO ARE LIKE "UGH, CULLEN AND BELLA ARE HERE, LET'S GO."

LOL BELLA YOU RETARD. "KILL ME NOW EDWARD. RIGHT HERE AT THE PROM. IN FRONT OF ALL THESE WITNESSES."

LOL OH MAN, OMINOUS VICTORIA AT THE END.

... Hmm.

I give it... 2 1/2 Stars. Yeah. THAT'S LOW FOR ME. It's hard for me to find movies that I don't give at least a 4.

I think, that it was slow going at the beginning, and RobPat and KStew were rather insanely awkward, and not just as their characters. As well, once all the dramatic, secretive bullshit was over with, and the Cullens got more screen-time, I think it got a lot better. So, really, the first half = about 1/2 a star, and the second half = 3 1/2 stars.

I think that it was quite close to the Book. (UNLIKE SOME MOVIE ADAPTIONS). CONSIDERING WHAT I THINK OF THE SERIES, THIS WAS AN OKAY MOVIE.

Needed moar Alice, and the other Cullens, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I NEVER HAVE LIKED BELLA AND EDWARD VERY MUCH. XD

Now I really want the New Moon movie to come out. Really badly. REALLY REALLY BADLY D: