long weird semi-emo semi-funny post is LONG
Okay, I am going to try to define my entire life here.


Alright. I've always been a bit socially-inept but I think in leaving public school I really pushed it over the edge. In one way, I'm more socially capable, and don't run from strangers much anymore. In the other way, 90% of my friends are now in the computer, and the other 10% are over 50, or I never see. Now, I love my computer buddies, but it's really pathetic. And nowadays my RL friends get ignored because I'm too busy doing literally nothing on the computer. I mean, what do I on the computer anymore? I sit here and make icons, and update Twitter a thousand times a day. What sort of life is that? I think I really regret leaving public school, never mind I only had, like, two friends there.

I think one of the things that bothers me most is that I have nothing to say anymore. As in, when Patricia or Diane tells me all about their day all I have to say is something about RP, like, "Oh, well I found this really interesting game today, but it looks so shiny I don't know blah blah characters blah." but when I was in school I could say, "Well this bitch at school tried to get in a fight with So-And-So and they were out of nachos at the cafeteria!" which I think they found a lot more interesting.

And I can't go back, you know. I cannot go back. If I went back to public school, I would die. I couldn't handle it in the first place, but going back would be worse. Not to mention it would solve anything since I'd be a grade lower, and I'd just be back to my old ways, friendless in the corner, failing classes.

God, I feel so emo and retarded and why why why can't I be cheery all the time?

Anyway, so I am socially screwed, have very few RL friends, and heck few RP friends as is.

I also have an attitude problem. See, I can't just wake up and be :D. I'm all cheery here online, but in RL I'm a freaking brat and I'm sick of it. I don't know why I am the way I am but I wish I wasn't. I sleep all the time, and when I'm awake I'm sour around my only friends, and all I do is complain, complain, and complain. I mean, alright, I'm also cheery sometimes, but not MOST of the time, and it drives me batty.

Oh, and I'm a total hypocrite. Really, I am. I say how I hate complainers, yet I am one. I'm annoyed by people's dirty rooms, and yet my room is the Queen of Filth. Oh and of course, I Highly Disapprove of Emo-Posts, AND YET LOOK WHAT THIS IS. XD

MOVING ON. So I have two RL friends I see regularly, Diane, and Patricia. I keep ignoring Patricia's calls, and she really needs me around more often since she's almost as lonely as me. The thing is, I'm so wrapped up in my boredom online, I just blow her off. Diane I don't see as often, but when I do, I usually end up being Awesome or just Pissing Her Off with my laziness. I should be around more, but here I sit.

And then it comes to Elizabeth. Elizabeth has been my best friend for YEARS. Since we were little kids. I only see her about once every month or so, and only for a few hours, because she's Patricia's Granddaughter and is only allowed to come over once a month. See, we're both shyish people. Each time we see each other anymore we're slow to talk, because we are mainly different people. She's more normal, but boyish, but likes vampires and rap music. And then I'm crazy kitten loner girl who likes fantasy and classic rock. Of course, once we get talking we get along great, and have plenty in common, but then I leave, or she leaves and then next time we have to start all over again.

And of course there's our little 'war'. Or maybe it's just MY war, I'm being ridiculous. See, I'm jealous of her, and it makes for bad air. Whenever she's around, Patricia, and Diane basically just push me aside. Heck, sometimes when she's not around I get pushed aside. It's always "poor Elizabeth", "let's buy something for Elizabeth", or "I wonder how Elizabeth is?" Patricia, I can understand this from. She's her granddaughter, it makes sense for her to come first before me, the neighbour. But Diane? Diane hardly knows Elizabeth. Diane is a widow lady with cats. And she's MY Diane. I sleep over at her house! When explaining how I know her and Patricia, she calls me her daughter more often than not! I'm practically her daughter sometimes, I swear. And yet. Elizabeth gets the attention.

We were all in the store the other day, and Diane was talking about how she was making a blanket for Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Always ELIZABETH. Never mind that Elizabeth's already getting a blanket from Patricia. Diane is making a blanket for Elizabeth. Now, of course I've gotten gifts from Diane plenty, a few stuffed animals, and I've been offered one of her kitten cross-stitches, but it doesn't erase the PRINCIPLE of the thing. She's making a blanket SPECIFICALLY for Elizabeth. Not just making a blanket randomly with random colours and deciding to give it to her, SPECIFICALLY making it for her, with her favourite colours and everything.

And I know how selfish that sounds, but that's how I think, and none of it's fair. Why is everything always about Elizabeth? How is she honestly more special than me? Let's see, okay, so she had Turner Syndrome, so she's all wide and boy-like with super-sized hands and feet. She apparently has a "hard" life, going to the movies every freaking week, disney land every year, and owns a THREE HUNDRED DOLLAR PHONE THAT LOOKS SO SHINY AND OUT-DOES MY PHONE SO MUCH.

... Alright. Then again, seeing movies, and disney land all the time and fancy stuff doesn't out do my good life.

Really my life is a lot better than my teenage bitch side would like to admit. I have people who care for me, I have a lot of things in life other's don't. But on the flip side, my life isn't good in other ways. I am missing a lot of social-skills, I was raised to be spoiled, I'm clearly very emo, etc. A lot of my problems are my own fault, and I know that, in the corner of my mind currently writing.

Okay. *breaths* MOVING ON FROM EMO-LAND FOR A MOMENT. I am one big contradiction, and I can't understand it. Well. Maybe I can, but anyway. I don't like to be noticed, but wear noticeable clothes, and make myself stand-out. I want friends, but I hate people, and don't take care of the friends I have. I'm fuzzy and sweet and silly, but I'm emo and depressive and tired. I'm talkative, but quiet.

AHEM. "Consider gain and loss, but never be greedy and everything will be all right." - My fortune cookie I just ate. What a coincidence! I am greedy, I am spoiled, more often than I'd like. I use money I don't have, I take my friends for granted, and I take my life in general for granted often. I know I shouldn't, yet here I stand- err. Sit, that is, because as I've already covered, I have no life.

So, basically it's TWO in the morning, my head hurts, and I am INSANE. I shall now finish this ridiculous post no one will read (I semi-hope they don't, at least) with a last little emo-moment.

... dammit I'm tired. *insert last little emo-moment here.*


IN NEWS;

I am going to the library this Wednesday to see a friend I haven't seen since I left school! Yay!
I have a camera on my camcorder!
I should not be allowed near said camera!
I- eh. That's all, actually.
NO WAIT... no yeah.
WAIT. WAITTTT. YES RIGHT!
THE PREVIEW SCENE FOR TWILIGHT ROCKED.
AS DID THE BREAKING DAWN COVER!